everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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