i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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