"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
