I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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