i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
