You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
