mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
