this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
