her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
