ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
