And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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