Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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