I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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