no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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