just tell him i said nine months
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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