these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
