Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
