Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
