I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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