i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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