MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
