Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
