Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
