I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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