suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
