By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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