my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
