nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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