i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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