Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
