you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
