You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
