Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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