I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
