My liver just broke up with me...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
