So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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