I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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