just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
