we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
