And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
