i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
