bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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