So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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