before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
