I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
