I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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