the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
