I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
