Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
