I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
