im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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