my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm like, not good at living.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
